Valerian: The Movie of a Thousand Possibilities

Alright let’s talk Valerian,

Here it is right here!

No, we’re talking about the movie, not the comic. Oh what’s that? You didn’t know it was based on a comic? Well take that bit of fun fact to your next trivia night with your friends right after you finish playing the Switch. I say that because you wont notice too much of anything that screams “comic book” at you during the movie. Before we jumped into our plot, the story tells us how we pretty much created our LEGO space station. However instead of building something new, we just kept attaching to the the same figure. Then eventually aliens arrived and of course the love for LEGOs stretches throughout all galaxies. They began to add to our station and of course it eventually became Alpha, home of a thousand planets and millions of different species! And that’s about all you need to know before the roller-coaster begins!

Let’s take a look at our stars,  Dane DeHan and Cara Delevingne:

Here they are…. I guess.

Ya know, this reminds me of the first X-men movie when I really think of the main leads’ costume designs. You remember those comic days where all the costumes were “modernized” which meant remove all color and uniqueness. Here it’s done with the costumes and the characters! Both are the bland, but Dehann is a special type: he’s a bro, a lady killer and an respected high ranking officer all in one. It didn’t work in Battleship with the other main lead (of that move who’s performance doesn’t warrant me Googling his name) and it doesn’t work here either. Delevigne is the no-nonsense type woman but has a soft heart, however with all her perceived intelligence and strictness she still finds Dehan’s character attractive enough to be swept in by his Keanu accent(no really) and their attempted chemistry is just killing me softly. Not to mention there was a cameo from Rihanna that -again just like Battleship- can only be responded with, “why are you still here!?” Her entrance was a nice performance if not totally unrelated to the central plot but then the movie kept her around which felt like for hours and her acting range does not go nowhere near the time she was in the movie. She was killing me loudly in an auto-tuned fashion. The story failed to provide any twists and because the obviously bad guy was obviously a bad guy, I had the movie’s number twenty five minutes in.

Who are these cute little guys? I wanna know their story!

Therefore I give you the reoccurring and most damaging crux of this movie, it’s beautiful to look at, but the people are shallow. The world is amazing! I wanted to see more planets, I wanted to follow other stories on different planets because they seemed more interesting. However the director, Luc Besson doesn’t seem to know where he wants to focus all his imagery and it becomes a roller-coaster ride, and while those are entertaining, they’re usually short and have no little to no story. I enjoyed the world-building and I hope the next movie chooses to develop our leads on a more deeper level. There’s a ton of potential here and all you need are people we care about to drive the vehicle! Either way, I’m sure the next installment will be even more beautiful than the previous movie!

Till next time!

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